3 Practical Tips To Alleviate Decision Fatigue And Give You More Peace And Power In Your Parenting
I started this practical tips series in response to listeners’ questions and the prodding by my own family. Specifically, my daughters and husband encouraged me to share some of the ways I do things that other people may benefit from. If you missed the first two – start here.
parenting is hard
Parenting is hard, we all know that. While I believe it is one of the most important jobs in life, that doesn’t mean it is easy. My early view of parenting (before I had kiddos) was a sun-filled kitchen with happy kiddos who wanted to help me with the dishes or set the table. In my pre-child view, I was showered, dressed in nice clothes, and had make-up on every day. Then I had kiddos. My first kiddo had me hiking up and down the steps trying to keep her asleep or at the very least, calm for two minutes in a row. It wasn’t until many years later that I learned she was on the Spectrum. Let’s just say those early years of parenting burst my sunny bubble version.
Six kids later, four through adoption, I’d grasped the importance of schedule, proactive parenting, and these tips I’m sharing with you today. My sunny view returned despite the cloudy and sometimes stormy days. The tips I’m sharing today are like a buffet. Pick and choose what works for you. The point of the practical tips is to bring the sunny view of parenthood back into your life, i.e., alleviate decision fatigue and bring more peace and power to your parenting. Let’s get started!
grab your free chapter
Why Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work (And What Does Work)
3 practical tips to help you alleviate decision fatigue and give you more peace and power in your parenting
Create a simple capsule wardrobe from your kiddo’s closet.
When I was a tween, part of a large family, including three girls, my mom got frustrated with our heaps of clothes. She instituted capsule wardrobes for each of us -way before anyone was talking about them. So I can’t take credit for the idea. She simply had us choose outfits – jeans and tops, a church outfit or two and she packed up everything else. We wore those clothes for two or three weeks before we swapped them out. She didn’t give or throw our other clothing away. It was just a way to minimize laundry for herself and decision fatigue for us. We didn’t have to stand in front of our closets and try to decide between all of the outfits. We could choose from five (or whatever number she chose). Of course, as girls, we wanted our favorite outfits in our closets, which meant we naturally weeded out the clothes we didn’t wear.
my version of capsule wardrobes
I loved my mom’s idea and used my own version of it with my kids. Like my mom, I didn’t throw away all the kids’ clothes or give them away. We picked out the week’s clothes in advance. This made it simpler for the kids to get dressed in the morning.
A few notes –
Some kiddos have a favorite tee or outfit. Kiddos on the Spectrum or with other Capital Letter Syndromes may need to wear the same brand/kind of sweatshirt or another item of clothing exclusively.
If your child needs to wear the same shirt, sweatshirt, or fill-in-the-blank, and it is bothering you. Ask yourself this question -“Ten years from now, will this matter?” It may be that the tension in your relationship will matter ten years from now if you don’t loosen up and let your kiddo wear what he is comfortable in.
The second note – don’t allow this practical tip to boss you around or make more work for you. Is this a perfect system? No. Did we miss our prep time some weeks? Yep. but the idea is to eliminate some of the decision fatigue for mom, dad, and kids. If it only creates more chaos, skip it.
how to have peace
WHEN YOUR KIDS ARE IN CHAOS free guide
Use a whiteboard.
I famously used a huge whiteboard in my dining room or family room (depending on the house) which didn’t go with my decor. It may have looked out of place, but it saved a lot of time and helped kiddos know what to expect on a daily basis. Because I homeschooled, I used the whiteboard for other things like solving math problems. But the main use was for writing what was on the agenda that day. This helps kids know what to expect.
another whiteboard benefit
One of the huge benefits of posting jobs, agendas, and the day’s events on the whiteboard is it removes the parent from the equation (how do you like that math?) What I mean by that – is it’s Saturday morning, and you have some fun stuff planned for the afternoon, but first, you need to get some chores accomplished. You write them on the board.
- Clean kitchen
- Sweep stairs and hallways
- Vacuum family room
- Clean dining room
- Wash towels
- Clean your room
- Hike/picnic – Leave at 12 pm
You get the idea. Instead of mom or dad chasing kids around and saying “Did you clean your room?” or other such comments. Instead, form the habit of saying, “Check the whiteboard.”
Some weeks I put names beside the jobs and other weeks it was first come first serve or get the job you want. For example, if the job you wanted was sweeping stairs and hallways – you made sure you made it to the whiteboard first.
I also want to point out that I worked with/beside my kiddos. The point of chores is for everyone to participate and contribute to the family. You’re preparing your kiddos for life.
As I said earlier, parents are removed from the equation. How? You can’t argue with a whiteboard. When my kids asked -what do I have to do? I sent them to the whiteboard. Check the whiteboard. Sometimes I heard them huffing when they read the agenda, but you can’t argue with a whiteboard.
When my kiddos were old enough, they were allowed to pay siblings to do their jobs or swap jobs. Also- super important – your expectation of a job well-done should be based on physical and emotional age – not perfection. For example, a four-year-old sweeping under the table may spend fifteen minutes with a tiny broom and dustpan on the same two-by-two-foot square and miss the rest. Tell him what a great job he did as he throws his crumbs in the trash (even if he missed most of them). If a teen is sweeping under the table, expect him to get most of the crumbs.
One of the most important steps we parents miss is – training or instruction on how to do a job. That’s where my last tip comes in and it’s super important.
Use cards with instructions to show kiddos exactly what to do.
Let me explain. Instead of expecting your kiddos to know what to do – clarifying expectations is one of the parenting “Instead Of” Tips. This is true when it comes to chores as well. I made chore cards out of index cards and tacked them up in each room of my house. Each card was unique to the room. When a child had a “room assignment” he could simply read the card to know what he must accomplish in said room.
I have some examples below. So instead of your kiddo saying, “I don’t know how to clean this room,” you can use these cards to guide them. Just a reminder, you need to “train” your children by doing the job beside them and walking them through each step. When the kiddo is older (depending on emotional and physical age) he/she can do the job with solely the card, and you can slowly remove yourself from the process (work in the room beside them or with another kiddo).
conclusion:
If your kiddo has experienced trauma or has a Capital Letter Syndrome, then you understand he/she needs more structure in their day than a neurotypical kiddo. Maybe you’ve been struggling with how to provide the structure. My advice is to try one of the practical tips I’ve shared for a month or two. Don’t try it for one day and throw your hands up and let the day dictate and live in reactionary mode, wondering what’s going to set your kiddo off. When you and the kiddos live with a lot of “not knowing what’s next” you spend your days trying to find a moment of peace.
Free chore Cards!
Sign up below and get your free chore cards!
When you proactively put some practices into place-whether it is creating a rotating capsule wardrobe, using a whiteboard, using chore cards, creating a schedule, or creating a rotating menu plan – you will have more peace. More peace looks like not running around five minutes before you head out the door trying to find clothing your children will wear, figuring out what to eat, and throwing your dishes in the dishwasher, all while your kiddos are melting down because you didn’t tell them you were headed to the dentist for their appointments.
other resources:
One Practice to Eliminate Decision Fatigue and Have More Peace And Power In Your Parenting Part 2
5 Habits Every Trauma-Informed Parent Needs To Practice
pin it:
