Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal With Duygu Balan
Trauma-Informed Parenting
Re-Write with Duygu Balan
Kathleen Guire: Hi! Kathleen Guire here. Welcome to this episode of Trauma-Informed Parenting. Today I have a special guest, Duygu Balan. She is an author and psychotherapist specializing in intergenerational trauma. She has just co-written a workbook called, Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal. So, Duygu, I will let you take over and introduce yourself a little more and talk about who you are and what you do.
Duygu Balan: Thank you so much. It’s an honor to be here. As you said, I’m a psychotherapist. I specialize in intergenerational trauma. We put together this workbook during the pandemic because the need for mental health services was so much that we just wanted to extend the
therapeutic process beyond the fifty minutes. That’s how this came about. Thank you so much for having me here.
Kathleen: I’m so glad you could be here. I told Duygu right before we started recording that she had me at the word write. I’m also a writer, and I believe in journaling for working through things. I’m really big on journaling when I’m struggling with something. I’m really excited about actually digging into this workbook. I’m going to ask a few questions, and then if you want to take off on a topic you just let me know. This question really spoke to me, because we are talking to parents of children who have experienced trauma, and sometimes the parents have also experienced trauma, or they have secondary trauma from their kiddos. How can hearing someone’s story get to the root of their trauma better than the symptoms?
Duygu: One thing that I feel is important to know is also in the title of the book we wrote. It is that we can actually re-write our own narrative. Our trauma is not our identity, and it’s not a life
sentence. We can change it; we can change the way we relate to ourselves and relate to others and also to the world. That’s why that title just really spoke to us. Writing just allows expression,
and what’s actually more important is the emotional experience of the event.
So it’s not necessarily the story that matters; it’s more allowing the emotional experience to surface. Oftentimes when we’re in stressful situations and traumatic experiences, we can’t really feel our feelings because we’re in survival mode. When we’re in survival mode all we’re
really concerned about is just getting past that event. Once we’re past it, that’s when we can actually feel the emotions that are attached to it, which is what the writing practice allows us to
do.
Kathleen: Well, I think that you get into digging into those feelings, like you said, after the event. You’re like, “Wait a minute. What am I feeling?” (Or, “What was I feeling?”) because we just want to survive the event. For me personally, I feel like by writing it down I’m telling myself, “This is how you felt, this is what happened, and now you can process it and move on to re-writing your story.”
Duygu: There’s no right way of doing it, actually. Sometimes if we’re going to get to the emotional experience by writing every single detail then that’s the way to do it. Or sometimes it can even be a to-do list. Whatever needs to be written down is all fine. There’s no one particular way, but it’s important to pay attention, not to get caught up in the details of the incident so that the feelings can also be processed during this exercise.
Kathleen: Right. In your workbook you give several (I can’t remember how many) different writings. Like, you can write different ways and examine things in different ways through
different lenses, correct?
Duygu: Yes, definitely. It could be anything. It could be poetry, it could be journaling, it could be storytelling. Whatever expression feels easiest and flows, that’s the right way to do it.
Kathleen: That’s really helpful because I think we can get stuck in, “This is the one way to do it, and if I can’t do it that way then I’m going to fail,” when this is not something you can fail at. It’s something you can try different ways until you find something that works for you, correct?
Duygu: Definitely, yes.
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Kathleen: How can people get the most of their trauma treatment, and I say parents for themselves and for their kids, so they are utilizing their time wisely?
Duygu: I think awareness is the most important piece to trauma treatment. This book can be used as an adjunct to therapy, but someone could also use it for individual use. One thing that I
find important to know is that when we are doing these writing exercises or when we’re examining our trauma and the events that have happened to us, it’s important to also think
about our nervous system. Trauma treatment has actually changed a lot over the years. Before it was more about telling
was healing. It was considered when we tell our stories that’s how we heal. Now we know that that can actually lead to retraumatization. That’s why it’s important to understand what
happens to our bodies and to regulate our bodies first, which is why in this book there are a lot of grounding techniques, a lot of coping strategies, and a lot of breathing exercises. When we’re in a relaxed state that’s when we can actually get deeper into the emotions. Our
breath and our body posture, actually, tells us a lot about where we are in our psyche. For instance, when we are really in survival mode then we’re not really going to breathe deeply.
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Duygu Balan Bio
Author and psychotherapist specializing in intergenerational trauma, Duygu Balan, LPCC developed her expertise in intergenerational trauma while working as a clinical counselor in New York City treating patients on society’s margins. A licensed psychotherapist, she is the co-author of Re-Write: A Trauma Workbook of Creative Writing and Recovery in Our New Normal and a contributor to the best-selling medical textbook, Big Book of Emergency Department Psychiatry: A Guide to Patient-Centered Operational Improvement. Born in Germany and raised in Istanbul, Duygu’s upbringing provides her with a fresh perspective on how to navigate tension between cultures; adverse childhood experiences; and attachment wounding through hope and resilience. She is based in the San Francisco Bay Area.
other resources:
3 Reasons Every Parent Needs A Trauma-Informed Education
Leaving Intergenerational Trauma Behind
4 Powerful Ways To Break the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma
3 Tips To Begin Healing From Trauma While Parenting